Truths

My ex promised to see me to talk last Friday, she never came around of course desipte promising for many hours in a row then stopping answering her phone. I expected it really, I knew what was going on. I just wanted her to tell me instead of keeping me hanging on knowing the truth but wondering if what I knew was wrong. I then went to visit my parents for the Easter Weekend.

I sent her a text message on the Friday before I left "Darling. Please talk to me face-to-face. People tell me things that are messing me up and I need to hear from you if it is true or not. xxx". She phoned me the next day on promised (again) to meet on Friday. I received a few more text messages that day (humorous ones). I had a few pints, and sent her another message.

"I've had the time of my life with you. You will always be my closest friend. Sorry for the cheese miss.clicky had a few pints. xxx" (The nick-name miss.clicky I gave her a long time ago as she liked to click her bones a lot...).

I got a phone call a few minutes after and she told me she was seeing another guy. To be honest it felt a great weight had been lifted, I no longer had to worry what was going on. I had the truth, and though it hurt, of course, I felt so much better for knowing. She asked me to phone her the next day.

We chatted briefly the next day, her new boyfriend said hello to me in the background while making some noise (I guess he wanted to make sure I knew she was with him, whatever, those childish games dont work with me. I let her make her own choices).

I got a phone call later that day, her new boyfriend had held a knife to her and had threatened her and blamed her for being abused by her father when she was a child...

I was still at my parents and couldn't come rushing to her, but I left early Monday to catch a train back. I found she had returned to his flat the night before and no-one had managed to contact her again, so I got worried and sent her a text asking her to contact me or I would think about calling the police. I got a call from her a short time later, she wanted to stay over my place Monday night away from her new boyfriend. And so she did. I tried, as much as I could to act like a normal friend.

I have given her a spare key to my flat today, so she can go out while I'm at work. I dont expect her to stay another night and I'm not expecting her back. She mentioned her new boyfriend is very controlling, telling her not to go out etc. I was never like that, I trusted her when she went out alone. If someone is with me I want it to be because they choose to be with me because of love, I cannot force her to love me again. No matter how much I feel for her.

I'm still hurting, but knowing the truth makes me feel a lot better. It will always be hard around her for me, because I can never be 'just a friend'. I'm in love with her, I left her a note today telling her, I will always be in love with her and I will always want her back. But that is her choice and if we never get back together I wish for us both to find someone who loves us as much as we once loved each other. And makes us as happy as we used to be.

No matter what the future brings, I wish her so much happiness. She will always be my Darling.