Bad Day

Had a bad day today, nothing really happened I'm just in a bit of a mood.

I dont really think this world works for me, I dont fit in at all. At least that is how I feel at the moment, I have gone out a lot recently, never seen anyone I like nor even anyone who likes me.

Well, 'likes me' sure people do chat to me and say hello when they see me. Nice people too, but I am left being just the guy people like but not really they like 'that much'. As is always the way.

Before I met Nicky I only wanted someone to love me because I'm me. Who wanted to see me after work, or cuddle up or whatever and all because I was me. No one ever did until I met Nicky, and I dont feel anyone will again. And it is all I ever wanted, someone who loved me because I was me.

Sure my parents love me and my family too. But they do not love me because I am me, they love me because I am family. I just want someone to love me because I am me, but no-one ever really does. And I feel I do not work in this world at all and if I could end it all I would I think at the moment because I am not happy in this life at all. It isn't really about Nicky this time, I have just been looking at all the times I go out and I see nothing or nowhere or noone that I fit in. I just dont feel I belong here anymore.

It's a gloomy view and I guess I could end it all if I really wanted to, but I'm just not strong enough for it. I wish doctors offered an injection of somekind similar to those they give to animals to put them to sleep. I think I would do that if it were available.

Life is a gift, I really do believe that. But it isn't a gift that suits me anymore I think.