Meeting Nicky - Part Four

So, here I was with a girlfriend I knew was pregnant from before she met me. But she thought I didn't know. Now, knowing Nicky I couldn't just come out and say "I know you're pregnant", confronting her like that she would just deny it and get angry and probably leave me. I needed to get her to tell me herself. One night out in Newcastle a guy stopped as we walked past, pointed at her and said "Preggers!" in a happy voice. Of course Nicky got angry at him straight away and denied it until he apologised. I felt a bit sorry for the guy but couldn't say anything.

She dropped hints a few times, asking me "If I disappeared for a few weeks or a month soon. Would you take me back after?" Which I always replied that I would, but why would she need to disappear? She never really answered. She started having cravings too, for sherbert. Lots and lots of sherbert. I think I emptied the nearby shop of all their sherbert.

During all this we had our first argument. We thought we'd watch a movie in the bedroom, I had bought 'Fight Club' a while before and she said she liked it. So we sat down to watch the movie. Everything was fine until the sex scene. Then Nicky exploded saying I put it on just to watch that and that I was filthy and just like every other guy around...

I was incredibly shocked at this, not only had she said she'd seen the film it never even occured to me she would mind seeing such things. I only wanted to watch a movie... Even turning it off didn't calm her.

Nicky hides much of her emotion and it comes out in fury when she is angered. She will throw things around the room (televisions, Stereos, lamps, whatever is near), she will tear down the curtains from the wall (I still dont have curtains up in my bedroom because the old ones were torn down and wont go back up). She even sometimes physically harms herself (or me) but we will come to that part in another entry I think.

About 5 or 6 months after we had met, we were having an discussion/argument (she never really discusses anything) and she told me she was going to leave me. And I asked her why but she wouldn't tell me.

I held her waist and looked in her eyes and asked her to tell me how much she loved. And she looked at me and started to cry, and told me she loved me so much she couldn't find the words.
It is the same way I still feel, if I try to explain how much I love her I just cry. Because I cannot find the words to contain my love for her.

I asked her while still holding her and looking in her eyes, "Then please, tell me why you want to leave.""Because I'm pregnant." she said."I know you are darling" I said as I held her close. She was very shocked.

After the tears had gone, I asked her how long she had been. "Just over 8 months", it was my turn to be shocked. Though I knew she was pregnant I hadn't realised it was so close to being born. I told her she could keep it if she wanted, but she didn't. She wanted to give it for adoption and start a life with me. I tried to make sure it was what she really wanted, but I think it was though I'm still not entirely certain.

Things went well for a while with us then.